Today isn't a good day again. I just feel that when Mike is home he doesn't want to be. I call and he sounds down depressed and malencaly. I said, Yup your home. and he bites my head off. "Its the attitude you give so that is what you hear" Huh??? I mean, before that I asked him if he had taken anything out so I could fix it tonight, I asked him how he felt. I seemed Ok in my eyes I did get bothered by his just no ... no emotional tone, when I call him and he's at the farm its like Hi Honey ..and upbeat. ...... and when he is at home he is just depressed. I have mentioned it to him before asking do you really want to be here, cause when you are here you only think of the farm and what you need to do. When he is at the farm its like he doesn't stop but at home alls he does is watch tv and mow the grass. I don't know I just feel like he doesn't want to be here. So now. After that comment I was short and said OK I have to go and hung up ... Oh ya I really want to go home now at lunch!! Now I wish I was at the barn or he was!! LOL! Damn. I hate when we are together there is no connection, but when we are apart we seem to get along.... ya we are apart!! I just don't know what to do... I have gained so much weight and a lot of it has to do not eating right, I eat bad when he isn't there just like snack stuff or bad stuff. I am nervous of my weight gain and am depressed about it and really don't want to do anything about it its almost like a security thing... I don't know.... just really writing and not thinking ... I just hate it lately. Now I have to go to Teds wedding tomorrow and really don't want to go.. not knowing anyone and the people that we do know haven't seen us in years and my weight and just the make up of how we and our family are so happy" ya right. I don't even know if that pant suit that I was thinking to wear will even fit. Have never tried it on got it this winter need to go spank shopping for sure!! Need to do my eyebrows nails. money that we really shouldn't spend ... blah blah blah.... Oh well So what to do, call him and tell him I won't be home for lunch need to do stuff like eyebrows and spank shopping or go home and suck it up??? hmmmm what to do//// Will let you know... I am so glad that I am not letting anyone know that I do this, that way I can really put my thoughts on this